I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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