I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
