I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
