he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
