So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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