omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you made out with another girl for some wings
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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