oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
