Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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