I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize