To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
