I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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