Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
