I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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