READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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