FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
