Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
