I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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