I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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