I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
