Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
