just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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