Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
