I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
