i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
