My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize