Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
