Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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