You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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