You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
