i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize