What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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