3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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