I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
