Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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