MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
