whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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