i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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