I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
