i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
