How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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