I want to have your abortion
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize