I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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