I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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