I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
