going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
