Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
