i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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