i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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