i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this will be a night to untag.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
