Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
