unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize