You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
