I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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