he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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