My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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