Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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