I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Randomize
