Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
