I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
