could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
