Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
