Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
