Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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