i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
