I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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