She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
